Being in this big wide world is so new and can be hard work for babies. Knowing you are very close by is incredibly reassuring and soothing for them. In these very early days and weeks “less is more” in terms of new experiences. Your baby will be experiencing so many new things through all their senses (touch, taste, smell, vision, hearing), this is incredibly hard work for them, so even little adjustments to their environment, for example dimming lights/avoiding wearing perfumes etc, can be really helpful. Think “slow and low”... a gentle introduction to new things can help baby manage these all this new information their bodies are experiencing and can help reduce the chances of them feeling overwhelmed or becoming overstimulated.
Getting to know your baby
Now you have welcomed baby into the world, you may feel they are just like what you imagined, or you may feel that this little person is very different to the one you held in your mind. You may also feel similar to what you imagined you would about being a new parent, or indeed quite different – either is ok! At times, the enormity of this new identity of being a parent can feel very overwhelming
All parents need support and talking about your feelings with someone you feel safe with can really help. You and your baby will learn together along the way how your unique relationship is going to work.
Take a look at our ‘It takes a village’ page for more advice
Each baby is a little individual and have their own special way of showing you the things they do and don’t like. You may find there are times when it is easy to work out what your baby needs from you, other times it might feel confusing and difficult.
One thing that every baby needs is to know that their main caregiver/mum/dad/parent is right there with them trying to work it out. It can take time to learn what your baby’s different behaviours are telling you. A helpful place to start is working out which stage of wakefulness they may be in.
Here is a link to videos that may help identify the different stages of wakefulness: GTKYB Videos - Baby Wakefulness on Vimeo
We sometimes read our babies signals well and respond in the way they need, and your baby will let you know. There will also be times when we misread them and don’t get it quite right. For example, you might offer a feed because your baby is crying, but then work out they just wanted a soothing cuddle. Babies “talk” to us through their behaviours.
Brazelton Communication Materials
Here are a selection of useful materials about baby communication, from the Brazelton Centre:
How your baby communicates (English) / How your baby communicates (Welsh)
My first language – Newborn Baby Behaviour (English)
You may find it reassuring to learn that your baby doesn’t need perfection from you, it is your connection with them that is most important, and your willingness to hang in there and work things out together with them.
Take a look at the G-PIMHS Understanding Your Baby Leaflet
Babies are social, right from the start.
The video below from AiMH UK talks about the “quiet alert” state of babies, and how this state is perfect for interacting with your baby. Right from birth, your baby will seek and need interaction from you. Babies can best focus on your face from around 10-12 inches distance – perfect for when they are cradled in your arms, close to your breast. Regular and frequent opportunities for face-to-face interaction is important to your baby. Babies learn quickly how different expressions make them feel. Watch your baby real closely... you may notice them trying to mirror your facial expression.
Take a look at baby Ethan and how he seeks to connect with his parents in his first few hours after birth: Social baby (youtube.com)
Here is another helpful video called: Getting it right from the start - Chapter 6
Here are six questions that can be really helpful for new parents to explore.
They are designed to invite you to explore any thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears you may have about a new baby and the impact of this on your life. There are no right or wrong answers; what matters is being able to share feelings and begin to adjust to the idea of becoming a family.
1. What helps you and your baby to feel close to each other?
2. How do you think your baby will tell you how he/she is feeling?
3. How can other people help you when you feel upset?
4. Who can help you out and how?
5. Who could you talk to about your worries about you and your baby?
6. How can you and your partner best support each other as parents?
Crying
Crying is a baby’s most powerful way of communicating with their parents or caregivers. It does exactly what it is supposed to – alert us immediately to respond and help our babies. Babies cry for lots of different reasons. It can be very stressful when our initial efforts to help our baby doesn’t work and can be a great source of worry for parents. Your baby wants you to know they appreciate and learn from every effort you make to help them soothe, even when it doesn’t seem to be helping...
It might be helpful to know that most babies will follow a pattern of crying that is developmental in the first 3-4 months following birth. The general pattern we see is that most babies may not seem to cry so much in the first week or so, then at around 2 weeks of age the crying starts to increase, reaching a peak at around 6-8 weeks, before reducing back down and settling at around 3-4 months.
You may have heard the term “Colic” for this period of crying, which can lead to parents worrying there is something wrong with their baby or there is something they are or aren’t doing that may be causing this.
There is a more developmentally accurate way of understanding newborn crying. We now call this PURPLE crying – this video explains this well The Period of Purple Crying - A New Way to Understand Your Baby's Crying (youtube.com)
If you are struggling with your baby’s crying, it is important that you seek support from family members, friends, your midwife, health visitor or GP. For further information about coping with crying please see the ICON website - Parents - ICON Cope
Sleep
Sleep is important to us all, particularly new babies and their parents. New babies need a lot of sleep, however their episodes of sleep may be a lot shorter than you may have been expecting, they will wake and need feeding and comfort at night. Some babies seem to be able to settle and sleep well without much need for changes to their environment, whereas other babies may need parents help them protect their sleep by making some adjustments to what is going on around them. For example, some babies sleep well despite a noisy, busy household – even the family pet dog barking now and again. For other babies they may need a quieter, calmer environment to be able to settle.
When you are holding or close to your baby, they will sense the safety this brings, and it will really help them feel secure enough to be able to sleep. For some babies, they need to be cuddled to sleep. Just like adults, they are all such interesting individuals and will have different needs for achieving restful sleep!
Did you know there are 3 different types of sleep? These are explained more in the videos labelled ‘Baby sleep stages – drowsy, light sleep, and deep sleep’: GTKYB Videos - Baby Sleep Stages on Vimeo
Your midwife and health visitor will talk to you about sleep and keeping your baby safe while they are sleeping. You can find the best research based safe sleep advice on the Lullaby Trust Website