It takes a village

Whilst modern life has changed how parenting looks and feels day-to-day, the old adage that “it takes a village” still stands; all parents need support in the early days, weeks, and months of looking after their baby, and needing or asking for this does not mean you are failing. When we are trying to look after and meet the needs of another tiny human, we will ALL have times when we need someone to look after us too. Having support from others is important for many reasons, including:

• Giving you a break, physically and emotionally – caring for a baby is tiring in many ways and you cannot pour from an empty cup! Knowing that your child is safely being looked after by someone else will allow you a chance to rest and recover, ready to re-connect with your baby when your own cup has been refilled. If we don’t take breaks and let others help us sometimes, we can risk feeling burnt out by parenting.
• Offering you the same comfort and support that you are giving your baby – just like your baby, there will be times when you yourself feel overwhelmed by everything that is going on, especially if you are a first-time parent. In these moments of overwhelm, you need people you can turn to that help you feel held and understood, much like you do for your baby! Just as you might hold, rock and sing to your baby when they are distressed, you might find it similarly helpful when other adults listen to and support you in your feelings as a parent, whatever they may be.
• Providing advice (when asked for!) – rather than being bombarded with tips and tricks from every well-meaning relative, friend, colleague or (these days) social media influencer, what most parents need is a small number of trusted allies who they can turn to for advice when needed. It is important to trust and have confidence in your own instincts as a parent, but we all have times when a bit of wisdom from those who have been there before feels like a life-saver! Just be ready to take such offers with a pinch of salt if needed, knowing that every baby, parent, and relationship is different, and that it is ok to tell others to step back and let you figure it out if you want to.
• Celebrating your successes and delighting in you and your baby – as well as helping during the hard times, we also benefit from having others to share the joys of parenting with too! This can be especially important if we tend to be hard on ourselves or struggle to see the things we are doing well. Having a trusted other see, appreciate and tell us about our strengths can be a real confidence boost throughout your journey as a parent.

Building your “village”

What does your village look like? How can you build one or make use of your existing one? Here are just a few suggestions:

• If ever you are struggling, don’t feel as though you need to carry this on your own - reach out and talk to others about how you are feeling as a parent. It can sometimes be helpful if this is someone outside the family, like another parent or understanding friend, or even a healthcare professional, like your health visitor or local early years practitioner. Hopefully they can offer a much-needed listening ear, remind you that you are not alone in your experiences, and/or suggest additional support if helpful.
• Think about who you already have in your life and how they might like to support you – Who could hold baby whilst you rest? Who might be able to batch-cook you some freezer meals or help out with some chores whilst you have some quality-time with baby? Who could babysit so you and your partner can have some time together?
• Join an antenatal or postnatal parenting group – There are often several groups in a local area designed to help new parents meet others at the same stage of life, some of which are free to access, such as those run by your local library.
• Cautiously explore online village alternatives – Facebook groups or similar can provide a sense of connection when in-person alternatives are lacking, such as during the middle of the night. These may not provide the same sense of support as connecting with people in real life, however, and would not be recommended as the only form of support for a new parent or a replacement for in-person support.